sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
