I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
