she was so not down for the gang bang
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
