But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
