Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So vagazzling was a success
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