When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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