I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
