I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
