So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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