New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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