How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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