just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
