Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
