last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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