well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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