Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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