His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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