Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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