I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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