tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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