I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sobbing to NWA
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
