I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
