Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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