we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
