You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
