in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
