Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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