we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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