There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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