He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
