So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
