so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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