We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
