What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
