The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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