his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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