Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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