My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
