I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize