It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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