Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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