I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I take back everything I said about communal showers
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
