I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
