JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
