Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
