FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
