Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
