I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
