Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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