i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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