If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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