ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
