Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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