and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
