There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
