Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
