the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
