Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
