I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
