is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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