i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
