fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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