you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
