I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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