I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
