I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
