you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
