So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
