fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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