If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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