I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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