we're blogging at a bar
I cockslap morals
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
