I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
