Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
