she woke up with a sticky ear
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
