Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
